Our Mandy

McKenna here. I wanted to put all of Mandy and my Dad's last posts before Mandy's passing here on her blog. Her Facebook is overflowing in the best kind of way with so much love, I thought it would be nice for them to be here. We miss her so much. 

From Mandy: 

After much thought, prayers and soul-searching Scott and I together have decided that the best next step is for me to forego any further treatment and move on to hospice care. We haven’t taken this decision lightly, and would not have been able to make this choice without our faith and without the help of my wonderful providers, particularly my oncologist Dr. Obenchain. I don’t want anyone to think this a post about me giving up. I may not have buckets of time but I know that I have time to make more memories. I’m still here. We want to thank everyone for their support and love and prayers. I’ve chosen life and time with my family, and am looking forward to the memories we’ll share with whatever time I still have. We have been the recipients of so much help and care, and such beautiful flowers cover our home- I would ask that anyone who’d like to give flowers would forego this thoughtful gift and instead make a donation to WunderGlo, the organization who’s fellowship has buoyed me through my treatment. I have been sick with other infections that make it difficult to go too far from my bed and feel badly that I haven’t been able to respond to everyone, to talk to all of you and hug all of you. I know you’re here. I know you’re looking for ways to help. I want you to know how much your love, in all forms, and given in all ways, lifts me. I’ve had a really good life and plan on continuing to live it until my final sunset. I can say this on behalf of my children, Scotts children, our grandchildren, our family- that this has strengthened our already strong bond that will always be there. Whether I’m physically with them or spiritually.

I remain so aware of Gods love for me and the sustaining strength of the Savior. He is everything and has been with me through my life and especially during this fight. He continues to lift me and my loved ones. I hope you feel His love today and the love and appreciation that I feel for you all.

From Scott:

During the past few weeks, I have been reminded of the many blessings that I have been given. Amanda Bebak Lawler is an unbelievable spouse, eternal companion, partner and best friend. She unceasingly shows tremendous courage, grace and strength as she fights to continue her life on this earth for as long as she possibly can. She has been an amazing blessing in my life for the past 10 years. My hope is that I can at least support her and make her comfortable during this phase of a 5+ year battle.
I am also blessed to have amazing family members and friends that continue to make sacrifices to support and assist Mandy and me. We have received family members that have come from Texas, Wisconsin, Utah, Nevada and California, leaving their own families and work obligations to show their love to us. We have friends that live close by that go out of their way to provide us with what we need and provide us with assistance when we are not even aware of what we need. I do not have the words to adequately describe what their service means to me or to properly thank them.
I am blessed to know that whatever (and whenever) the outcome of Mandy's battle is, that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me, is mindful of me and has a plan for me.
Love to you all

Hi everyone,
I’m delivering this message as requested by Amanda. She has asked that I relay to you her thoughts and feelings in regards to her current condition and her inability to respond to the outpouring of love and concern for her at this time. She truly wishes she could convey this message herself. I have done my best to share what I believe is in her heart and the message she is wanting to share with us all. –Jeannie Guthrie

Dear friends, family, and loved ones near and far. I want to make contact with each of you individually but physically my body is not allowing me to do so. I am sorry that I haven’t reached out, I have tried but I am not able to as of late. I am just too weak, and sometimes even too confused to put into words what I want to say to each of you. My body is in extreme decline. I am unable to eat much and I have lost so much energy­–my body is struggling to survive. I find myself sleeping more and more than I would like. I do receive all of your messages and I feel each and every one of your prayers. Your loving words and heartfelt prayers have sustained me over these most trying times. I want each of you to know that I have an undying love for my Savior. I know that He lives and has watched over me throughout the years. Although my time is growing short, my faith in Him and in His atonement is stronger than ever, and that faith will live on eternally. I want you to know that I have grown to know our Heavenly Father, and I know that He loves each of us individually. I look forward to being reunited with Him soon. I have needed His sustenance now more than ever. I truly know that He has provided for me, as he does for each of us. My prayer is that you will continue to pray to Him. Pray for the ones you love. Be there for each other. Care for one another. This is what I think is important. (In Mandy fashion and gesture) “…and that’s all” as she lay back down to sleep.

5 Year Mark

Hi friends

I hope you feel the warmth of my greeting through the screen.
I am filled with lots of love and appreciation as I reflect and write
out this post to share an update on my health and my thoughts
on where we all stand at the moment. Today, this exact day, is
the 5 year mark of my cancer diagnosis. What a crazy ride it
has been.

The current status of my health is this; my cancer has progressed through essentially my whole lower abdomen. It’s everywhere. My ovaries, the pancreas yada yada yada. 

The main problem it’s causing at the moment is it’s presence throughout my peritoneum which is what’s causing a lot of fluid to fill into my belly.

This means every two weeks I’m traveling to California to have my stomach drained.

I had it done yesterday and they drained nearly 10 lbs (4.4 liters) and I already feel like the fluid is returning to my abdomen. My stomach gets big and uncomfortable and I struggle to eat, which is not great considering how generally weak I feel a lot of the time. 

I say and will continue to say that I still believe in miracles. But we’ve definitely experienced a shift in perspective the last few weeks and are taking steps. I’m still going

through this trial, though it was never meant to be a cure, but I’m hopeful it will prolong my life. We’re considering other hopeful treatments also. I am anxious to be there for Dane’s graduation this Spring and Gage’s white coat ceremony in the Fall. I want to vote. I love the summer. I want to spend more time on the boat, but also, mostly, just be with the people that I love. And I will keep it going as long as I’m able. 

But boy have I done A LOT in the last 5 years, people. I went through and collected photo highlights of the last half of a decade and I’m blown away at the life I’ve lived and the people I’ve been able to love. I’d love to share with you what is essentially my photo journal of these last few years..

The many family trips both Bebak and Lawler trips to:
the River and Lake, Newport Beach, Disneyland, Costa Rica


 

 

Traveling across the country visiting Scott's kids and grandkids.





 

Girls trips to New York City and Virginia,


DC for President Trump’s inauguration.

Traveling internationally to:

Malaysia, Hong Kong, Taiwan, Thailand, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Mexico

Being there for Madison when she served her mission in London

Madison and Rudger getting married

Gage and Sheree getting married

Gage's graduation

Watching Chase become a police officer

Being sealed to Scott in the Gilbert temple

  

Receiving an award from my dear friends at the WunderGlo foundation

Fun with Dane's friends and football teams

Celebrating Ashley's marriage in beautiful Nashville

  

Precious time with my boys and their families/ friends

Celebrating the lives, and mourning the losses of Scott's mom, Ilene, and my Dad, Al. 

Grandkids being born- 6 in the last 5 years and another on the
way!

Zip-line adventures 

Riding quads on the beach

Taking backpacks and school supplies  to kids in Nicaragua

Riding horses on the beach in Costa Rica, seeing alligators, monkeys and running the horse as fast as I
can racing my sister 

Trips to Maui with Brigitte and George- seeing Scott in his true happy place

Being able to show Scott the places I lived, and the things I loved
when I lived on Maui

Being able to take Dane to get his license

Being here for Dane turning 18

Being here to find out Gage got into medical school

Being able to be here and see the true goodness in humanity every day.

Teaching teenage girls at church. Some of those girls were 12 and are now graduating high school
this year.

Having the BEST 50th Bowel-lywood party.
Able to raise to date about 20 thousand dollars for WunderGlo
Foundation for colon cancer research.  

Connecting with my birth father and gaining even more family

Stood up for Ivanka Trump because it was the right thing to do.
The good and the bad that came from it
made me strong. Taught me I will always have the guts to stand
up for what I believe in no matter what.

Always always always more time with the people that bring me joy.
Education weeks, lunches, visits after years apart, parties,
weddings, trips to the cabin- we've done it and seen it all!!

   

All the adventures and memories made with my loving and supportive hubby

Learning that my Savior is with me always, even when I am
awful to be around is priceless.

So much more, but the pictures are worth a thousand words.
This is the novel that is the last 5 years.

You know chemo gets a bad rap. It’s hard not to when you’re
essentially poison. But as I look over this list of all the amazing
things I’ve seen, done and experienced in the last 5 years,

I can truly attribute it to the amazing miracle that is chemotherapy.
And isn’t that such a metaphor for life?Chemo makes you sick as
anything, and literally kills your insides, yet it’s a gift. We cannot
as mortals experience joy without knowing sorrow, pleasure without
pain. For me, the beauty of life without the ugly
side affects of a life-saving medicine. 

I’ve experienced so much bad, so much pain and discomfort,
so much fatigue and frustration. But it pales in comparison to the
beauty of my life. The love of my people. 

I will keep you all updated as we know more. Thank you for
following along with me and lifting me with your words, your
shared experiences, and your love.

xo Mandy