Disclaimer- if you're not into slightly graphic depictions of the effects of cancer, aging, or pregnancy-like scariness that happens to women bodies, I suggest you proceed with caution or get the highlights from a friend.
Here's the thing. I love my friends. One of the many reasons I love my friends is because they make me laugh, and boy did this little excerpt my friend posted on her page a while back make me BELLY LAUGH. She posted this on her facebook after a few people had texted her expressing their concern. Her husband had injured himself on some sort of guys excursion, I forget the details. But the concern from her friends was more for her lack of concern than for her husband's actual injury.
Frankly, and to put it lightly, she was not in the mood for the lamenting.
*Language warning
*Husbands name blacked out for privacy.. and safety ;)
Let's just take a moment to appreciate the colorful detail in which my friend so expertly explained the after effects of hemorrhoid surgery. Because if any of you have experienced hemorrhoids, this surgery or the type of hellfire pain that comes from any issues related to your ass (which is a lot of you I'm sure since there are so, so many kinds) then you all know that homegirl hit it right on the $$$$
We love you, T. We see you. And your butt pain.
Sometimes, because there's nothing else you can do when you're dealing with cancer, hemorrhoids, or that first poop after you've had a vaginal birth- you just have to mentally toss that mess off to the side and laugh about it. Because there's literally no other way to stay sane!
When I was first diagnosed with cancer it was immediately after I'd had a hysterectomy, which happened to be super fortunate as it's the reason I was able to be diagnosed at the time I was. Had my intestinal pain come at any other time apart from post surgery I likely would have ignored it for much longer. But I was concerned something had gone wrong, so I went in and tests revealed the cancer in my colon. Part of the beginning process of being diagnosed and treated was a fun process called a radioactive enema. Which is just about as fun as it sounds. But here I am, post-op from my entire uterus being removed from my body and they want to stuff my colon with some crazy fluid- and putting anything in your colon is just about the least graceful process and posture one can assume, if you know what I mean. Yeah, you know.
*All cancer is terrible- but this made me laugh. Because butts.
One of the drugs I've been on as part of my chemo is called Irinotecan, aptly nicknamed "I Run to the Can" There are times in life where you have to be uncomfortably familiar with your toilet. A good stomach flu, for instance. Well this drug bonded me with the ivory throne in a way I hadn't yet experienced. And hope to avoid in the future...
You guys, those first few weeks of chemo and my body being so deteriorated were crushing. I was completely vulnerable and in order to be treated, I had to repeatedly say goodbye to my dignity. Over, and over and over again. However, the sweet relationships that were developed, that healed, and that grew during that time is something I consider to be a sweet blessing. So many wonderful people seeing me through trips to the bathroom, washings, and the kind of care-taking no grown person imagines having to hand over to another. My step-daughter Madison, Scott's youngest daughter, in particular was very much there for the hard parts and it took it completely in stride. Even though it was hard for both of us I'm sure- I'd prefer she didn't see some of the things she did, and she likely had places she might have preferred to be had the circumstances been different, I'm so grateful for her and that time of service she gave me.
As with everything I've experienced throughout having cancer, there was a silver lining. And one of the silver linings through all the shitty things you experience in colon cancer is the fantastic puns :)
But I learned early on that a great way to deal with difficulty is humor, like the frustrated yet healthy rant above from my friend, and man am I grateful for the times I've been able to laugh through the hard. Occasionally the laughing had to come later, when the pain had subsided a little or the news wasn't good- news regarding me or friends in the same boat. But it usually came.
I have something pretty important to share with my fellow butt sufferers out there. This cream ^^^
up here? THIS IS THE MAGIC CREAM FOR HEMERRHOIDS. Maybe you don't want to talk about it. Maybe you're just not there yet in your life's journey. But believe me when I tell you that wherever you are at, there will come a day you will be glad you heard the word 'Nupercainal'
For those currently suffering from this terribly uncomfortable curse, I see you. And I salute you. Please go buy this NOW.
Cancer isn't always funny- in fact it's often not.
Life isn't always funny either. But holy cow what would we do if we didn't laugh when we could? What would we do if we didn't find joy when we could?
Mortality is bleak sometimes and maybe we can't avoid that.
But at least we can laugh at our hemorrhoids.
xo
Mandy
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