Birth of a Blog

Hi! I'm Mandy. Whether you're a close friend, or stranger on the internet- thanks for taking the time to read something from my small corner of the digital world.

3 1/2 years ago, on January 24 2015, I was diagnosed with colon cancer.

How I came to be diagnosed is a story in an of itself, but today it feels more interesting and worthwhile to talk about why I'm writing this- any of this. As well as all the things you'll read from me in the future. Although cancer is a big motivator for sharing and general interaction with others, I can't say that cancer is necessarily the biggest or most interesting thing to happen in my life. The things that have happened because of my cancer however, are not only more interesting but important and transformative. Things worth documenting.

When my mother died of cancer, and in the weeks beforehand, I heard and learned stories about her that I never knew in her lifetime. Things that shocked me and made me think "How is it possible we never talked about this?" My mother was 42 when I was born and she had spent most of her adult life fostering many children in addition to the 9 children, me included, that she and my Dad adopted. So a part of me understands why some stories and details might have been left out of our conversations. After she died I came upon papers and biographies of my passed relatives that contained entire histories that were unknown to me and the rest of my family. Stories that connected me to my family in a greater way than before and changed the way I saw my history. Through these experiences, and through the general process of growing through life I've learned that stories matter.
Recently I was compelled to share more about my own story, specifically in this way. And I really, really didn't want to. In fact, my response when I felt the strong urge to start a blog and to share more about my life and experiences with cancer was "Hell no."

That firm rejection from my mind came during one of my most intense reactions to chemo. The list of symptoms and types of sickness each person can experience from chemo is a lengthy one- this particular time for me was a sort of spinning in my head. A spinning that made me feel as if I couldn't connect with the ground or even one body part to another. Imagine being on a roller coaster somehow mixed with an anti-gravity machine- the pressure, the lack of bodily awareness and focus- it wasn't fun. It was such a different and intense kind of sick that I did something I'd only done once before, called grounding.

Grounding was suggested to me by a friend as a way to gain control in your body and your head when you're experiencing these kinds of symptoms. Touching the ground in a way that helps you to feel anchored again and, hopefully, relieve the sickness. I was doing this in my backyard, laying on a blanket in the grass. One of my feet reaching to feel a touch of grass, one of my hands doing the same. Spread eagle style. Eyes closed and finally feeling relief, I felt the suggestion- or urge- come to mind.

"You need to start a blog."

.....

"No. Nope. Hell no."


In spite of the fact that I barely know what a blog looks like, let alone how to start one, I'm taking steps. Because more than I don't want to start a blog, I do want to share stories- and not just my own. The lovely people that have come into my life as a byproduct of cancer, as well as those who've been with me long before, are worth talking about. Living in a time of so much connection and community is exciting. Leaning on one another looks different than it used to, and I hope that for those who might need someone- you know you can lean on my experiences and the optimism I have for peace in adversity.

Thanks for coming along with me.

xo Mandy